Feels Like Mushrooms

After having groundless fears that the baby is dead, I have finally received signs of life. If felt a few little blops -- like someone hitting you with a mushroom cap (crimini, not oyster or portabello). It wasn't gas. Has happened 2 time thus far that I can easily identify. Both times I was sitting in a classroom chair, kinda leaning back cause I am already getting a bit uncomefortable, hands crossed over the belly, and BLOOP a little one-two nudge. Or more like an earthquake and an aftershock -- BUM bum.

So, despite not gaining much weight and not feeling "pregnant" and therefore thinking that the baby is dead, I have proof to the contrary. Phew. I know the baby hasn't been eating much casue I have had RTGE (rapid transit through the gastrointestinal something that means diharrhea) bad for a few days and eating was literally painful for a day.

Nice that I am not getting fat all over, but I don't want to suddenly pop and be left with huge tracks of scar tisssue. Took me years to get over the stretch marks I got from puberty -- I'm not looking forward to adjusting to them again. Oh well. I have little chioce in the matter.

I went to Bar Review last night and was the designated driver. I was happy to be able to finally return the favor for my frinedswho have been carting me around al shool year (and who will have to continue to do so because Chris gets the car most of the time). Wow -- people got shitfaced. Crazy shit faced. I am so glad that I am not single and even more glad that I cannot drink. Takes too much time and energy. It was fun. I chose a Madonna themed outfit that showed off a lot of my most ample assetes and pretty much covered up the preggy belly -- it was fun to feel sexy and I did not miss the snug stretch of my pregnancy jeans. In fact, I can still fit into my faveorite jeans.

I was rememinded by a friend of all the great things that have changed in our country this week, both literally and ideologically -- it is time to take a moment out and give a little thanks to the universe. I wonder if I will live in a time that seems humankind (especially American humans) act more in tune with their true divine selves (I'm not religious, but I'm thinking of Brahman) and stop the cycle of consumption that is, I think, a way to try to replace our connection to something deep within and beyond ourselves.


From Wikipedia Re: Buddha and desire or Taṇhā

According to Buddhist teachings, craving, or desire, springs from the notion that if one's desires are fulfilled it will, of itself, lead to one's lasting happiness or well-being. Such beliefs normally result in further craving/desire and the repeated enactment of activities to bring about the desired results. This is graphically depicted in the Bhavacakra, the repeated cycling through states driven by craving and its concomitant clinging (upadana). Further analysis of taṇhā reveals that desire for conditioned things cannot be fully satiated or satisfied, due to their impermanent nature. This is expounded in the Buddhist teaching of impermanence, change (Skt.: anitya; Pali: anicca).

Moreover, one's taṇhā leads not only to one's own suffering (dukkha) but also to "evil, unwholesome factors" (pāpakā akusalā dhammā) that lead to the suffering of others. The Pali Canon delineates this chain of events as follows: from one's taṇhā arises attachment, then possessiveness and then defensiveness from which can arise lies, arguments and conflicts.^[5]

The Buddhist solution to the problem of taṇhā (craving, wishing) is the third of the four noble truths, the cessation (nirodha) of suffering. The cessation of suffering comes from the quenching (nibbuta) of taṇhā, which is the destruction of taṇhā. The problem is that we desire unsatisfactory (dukkha) things, namely sensual pleasures, existence and non-existence. When we have Right Effort, when we want that which yields satisfaction, then taṇhā is not the obstacle to enlightenment but drama elimination.