Now is the time to think about civil rights

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEXT OF THE UNITED NATIONS STATEMENT ON HUMAN RIGHTS, SEXUAL ORIENTATION and GENDER IDENTITY


We have the honour to make this statement on human rights, sexual orientation and gender identity on behalf of [.]

1 - We reaffirm the principle of universality of human rights, as enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights whose 60th anniversary is celebrated this year, Article 1 of which proclaims that "all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights";

2 - We reaffirm that everyone is entitled to the enjoyment of human rights without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status, as set out in Article 2 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and Article 2 of the International Covenants on Civil and Political, Economic, Social and Cultural Rights, as well as in article 26 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights;

3 - We reaffirm the principle of non-discrimination which requires that human rights apply equally to every human being regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity;

4 - We are deeply concerned by violations of human rights and fundamental freedoms based on sexual orientation or gender identity;

5 - We are also disturbed that violence, harassment, discrimination, exclusion, stigmatisation and prejudice are directed against persons in all countries in the world because of sexual orientation or gender identity, and that these practices undermine the integrity and dignity of those subjected to these abuses;

6 - We condemn the human rights violations based on sexual orientation or gender identity wherever they occur, in particular the use of the death penalty on this ground, extrajudicial, summary or arbitrary executions, the practice of torture and other cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment or punishment, arbitrary arrest or detention and deprivation of economic, social and cultural rights, including the right to health;

7 - We recall the statement in 2006 before the Human Rights Council by fifty four countries requesting the President of the Council to provide an opportunity, at an appropriate future session of the Council, for discussing these violations;

8 - We commend the attention paid to these issues by special procedures of the Human Rights Council and treaty bodies and encourage them to continue to integrate consideration of human rights violations based on sexual orientation or gender identity within their relevant mandates;

9 - We welcome the adoption of Resolution AG/RES. 2435 (XXXVIII-O/08) on "Human Rights, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity" by the General Assembly of the Organization of American States during its 38th session in 3 June 2008;

10 - We call upon all States and relevant international human rights mechanisms to commit to promote and protect human rights of all persons, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity;

11 - We urge States to take all the necessary measures, in particular legislative or administrative, to ensure that sexual orientation or gender identity may under no circumstances be the basis for criminal penalties, in particular executions, arrests or detention.

12 - We urge States to ensure that human rights violations based on sexual orientation or gender identity are investigated and perpetrators held accountable and brought to justice;

13 - We urge States to ensure adequate protection of human rights defenders, and remove obstacles which prevent them from carrying out their work on issues of human rights and sexual orientation and gender identity.

The shut down

My body is tired. I am done. Yesterday was my first finals free day. What did I do? NOTHING. I sat on the couch from 10 am - 10 pm or so and played civilization. It was glorious (I won 2 games). My body just feels so spent. Can't quite figure out why. Maybe its a post stress thing, maybe its baby related, maybe I am getting sick (I woke up with bright yellow snot, but then again the house is freezing). In any case, the only comefortable way for me to sleep now is on my stomach becaus emylittle me points and get in the A- range. It was a topic that we did not spend too much time on. I actually took my notebook of handwritten notes from the semester with me. I loved my notes. They were mega thorough and the though of putting them into an outline just made me want to shoot myself - too much info. If I needed it I would need it all. So I actually put a few tabs in my notebook for the more detailed sections. Boy was I glad that I did! I used it for 2 of the 4 questions. Not for the meat of the answers, but for little extra compatisons that, judging by the mid term, are where the point spread will start to widen. I really can't wait to get that grade. It had better be good, because I want to be a resarch assistant for her this summer and with the baby due in July, that is really the only job I can do.

My K final -- well. If the prof can find my nuggets of brilliance in that mess of an essay, grerat. I'm not holding my breath. There are 90 of us in that class and I will get 0 points for organization (he awards 5, but I can tell by his sampla answers that he is really big on organization). Crap. Don't think that I will be atthe bottom, but certainly not reaching out of the B range. Crud.

Crim? No freaking clue. There was just too too much going on in that hypo. I've got quantity over quality going for me there.

Well, that sure got the blood flowing. Now it's time to clean my room. I have 4 hours but its an 8 hour job. We shall see how it goes. I need a longer vacation.

Nightmares

Wow, I had a real nightmare last night. A few nightmarish vignettes actually. In the the first, I was walking through a Wallgreens and in one of the aisles, a deadringer for Marlyn Manson with red hair had shot himself. He was lying shrawled on the ground and I, wondering if he was ok, leaned over to see his mouth all cruste with blood. I noticed that he had no socks on and his heels looked dacayed (he was extremely skinny, half way to that one body in the movie Se7en that is kept alive with injections, ya know?). I asked the girl at the counter is she had called the police nad she kinda said yeah, he brought a gun and shot himself and she was putting price tags on knicknacks waiting for the poice to come. Perhaps that dream was my take on the Christmas spirit -- all fake looking like Marlyn Manson and finall too fake to live, rotting from the inside out and of course it would commit suicide in a drug store.

The second nightmare was about giant blackwidow spiders (thinking 2-3 inches body length) that kept appearing right next to me and spinning webs and like looking at me (how do they know that I am afraid of spiders?). Some were outside so I took some foamy household cleaner and sprayed them till they exploded in little bloody puffs. I think I ended up killing my mother's entire orange tree with that foamy cleaner, so I'm not sure what was the most horrible part of the dream -- the spiders or losing the tree, the only place to get oranges that taste like oranges used to taste (can't buy oranges like that in the store b/c they are too ripe).

OK, now I have to go and study for property. I have a final in 2 days. Today is the day of reckoning. I'm about 30% there, but I have the Dread Rule Against Perpetuities down, so maybe it's more like 75% cause the rest is just review or material, not actually figuring out anything. This class has a ton of material, but she really gives you everything that you need for the final, no trickiness. I just have to have a complete answer to what ever question it is that she throws our way.

All is ful of Love

The school is amazingly peaceful. I'm on the 4th floor and not many people are here, so I have space. Being totally surrounded by others really creeps me out for some reason, so this is good. We had a light rain this morning and the leaves are finally falling en masse from the trees. Fluffy clouds are rolling past the windows and light breezes are swaying the trees.

I slept too long today, but, I was tired, so oh well. My study partner is starting to freak out, but I am not. I refuse. I am putting as much info into my head as possible and that's that. I study, I think, I practice, and I play some video games. Rinse, repeat.

I finally dyed my hair last night. BitterNY said I looked like "one of those cheap Spanish ladies." And I did have that really ugly looking yellowish bleached out roots 3 inches thing going on that happens to women with dark hair who can't afford the dye maintenance. It was really bothering my too. I am one of those women with dark hair who can't afford the dye upkeep. So I boxed it. I feel like me again. Partly the light hair was a yeah, LA type of thing. Not so much anymore.

Put me back in NY please! A dear friend had her birthday yesterday and went to our faveorite restaurant -- Supper. I remember when that place was being built. I lived a few blocks away and was really curious about the stained glass going up. I started eating and drinking there and brought all my friends there and they love it now too. There was a day that I went on a date there and then my ex-BF went on a date there and asked the waitress all about how my date went (we went there all the time together and he was very chatty, so everyone kinda knew us, well him). That place was like a second home.

Ah, the good ol days of good eating. This is making me hungry!

The lost posts I

I haven't been able to write about my pregnancy because BitterNY didn't want to tell anyone until 3 months. As I am writing this, I am 10 weeks. It has been a difficult first 2 months. I am just beginning to feel like a human being again. I was so so tired and at the same time overwhelmed by the depth of my hunger and the nausea that followed every meal. I was moping around the house in sweats, constanly sleeping. I would sleep 8 hours and wake up and have to go back ot sleep for another 2. I missed classes. I didn't go out or see anybody. Now that I am coming out on the other side of the tunnel, I see how crappy that was.

So I want to talk about being pregnant in law school. Honsetly, I am SO glad that I am doing this now. I plan to have an demanding career in law -- probably corporate, hopefully centering on environmental issues like the cap and trade that seems imminent. I cannot imagine how women do this in the real world working 60 + hours a week. I avoided campus on Sundays because the bus didn't stop at the law school and I had to walk 10 minutes up hill to the law school. I always showered (except for that one day over Thanksgiving break when I didn't leave the house), but often I didn't want to -- I wanted ot go back to bed and live in sweats. I hate sweats. I don't even wear them at the gym (track pants) and even when I am walking across the courtyard to do laundry, I put on pants. Not so much any more. With the amount of baggy clothes that I wear, you might think that I am fat already. I just feel that way.

I am still in normal clothes, but they are pretty tight. Granted, my pants have always been pretty tight, I have a big butt (not that I am complaining!) and I've always had more thigh than many women have leg. But my pants are tight at the waist now too. I don't have a scale (yet), but I'm sure that I have gained weight since my wedding (god I looked great in that dress). I have a bit of a hard time with some shirts and sweaters because I have so much boob. So much it's ridiculous. People pay money to be like this forever? That's why I'll never understand LA.

I've pretty much told all of my friends amd classmates. They are all really excited for me. Now I wonder about the baby shower -- there are so many people I have to invite. How will I afford to feed them?

But back to doing this in law school. Best idea ever. The fact that I have so much free time is the number one bonus. Since I never go out, I have time to study and sleep as much as I want. That is so important. I feel like I would be risking my job if I performed under the circumstances of the last few weeks. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'm spoiled, but this is hard work!

one down

wow, that was just like wow. i can't even bother with the caps after that one. i really wish that i had learned to type better. my little crim exam has been successfully uploaded to exam soft, errors and all. i was pretty much typing each and every second. the multiple choice questions were killer. 16 little mofos and they are about half of the overall grade (please let everyone miss the ones that i did too!) There were so many crimes to be talked about, it was ridiculous. at one point, i just started writing the headings adn listing the crimes. i have no idea if i will get a good grade. maybe for sheer volume? maybe not b/c i didn't have a lot, ok well, any time to delve into analysis. i think that i mixed up a few concepts at the end too, but if he gives me a few points here and there for things, i should be ok. but, this is a race against everyone else, not just against the clock of myself. did everyone catch the murder that was also an attempt on the woman standing next to the man? I hope not. did i do my analysis of strict liability correctly? i kept missing it in the practie exams. i relied much less on my notes than i did during the practice exams. thank god for the practice exams! i have no idea how people would have gotten through this without them. but a few of the multiple choice made me say uh-oh. i should know this if i really know the material, and obviously i don't. crap! so, now i get to wait like a whole month to find out what kind of b I got . if I got a C i will cry.

nothing is stirring, not even a mouse

'Tis the night before my first final. I am alone in the house and all is quiet. Lucky for me, BitterNY has tickets to AC/DC and I am alone with my thoughts. I am not really looking forward to this final, but I am not worried about it. Crim is not my strong suit. I just don't really like it. It seems kind of non - sensical to me and takes me out of my comefort zone of thinking. Half that time I have no idea why I am writing what I am writing, but it all shows up on the answers for the practice tests.

And practice practice practice those practice tests -- I have! I am firmly expecting a high B on this test. Not an A, unless I get lucky and the test centers on something that I am really comefortable with (not much -- maybe the Hansen test?). I think that I have really got the basics down. Really, how hard can it be. I am prepared for the worst, but expecting the best.

As I am writing this, my blood pressure is going up. I think this is the first sign of stress thus far. Good thing I've held it off for so long.

I have a few more last minute preparations and then I will play a bit of video games and hope for a night of good rest.

No car for you

No car for me. Something about debt to income ratio -- lots of debt, no income. I wanted a cheap car with payments under 200$/month and to finance the entire thing. They couldn't do that, but they could give me a car for 300$/month at 16% interest. Ouch! They are practically giving cars away these days with interest rates like 0% and maybe up to 7%. I guess those deals are for people who have jobs. I don't blame them. It's hard to explain that the state of CA is actually paying me to go to law school this year. Oh well.

Finals are around the corner and I am still not freaking out. Makes the whole studying thig easy. It is easy to just keep working a bit and a bit and a bit and not feel overwhelmed.

Most of my study focus thus far has been on Crim and now it is time for me to take a look at K's and Prop. Prop is gonna be the real bitch. We covered far more in that class than any other class. Also, that is the class with the most demanding prof. Despite that, I think that I can handle the info. I won't say that the parctice midterm was a breeze, but now I have a much better idea of what is expected of me. Ok, now here's the big dilemma -- do I play Civilization now b/c BitterNY is at work, or do I read for property?

Property till 1 and then Civilizaton till I conqueror the world!

Chilis

Here's a scene from last night's end ofthe semester BLSA gathering:

As we were getting ready to leave, the manager of Chilis (white, probably early 40's, kinda biker style lookin ) asked us what the celebration was for. Someone replied that we were all law students. The manager said," Yeah, and I'm the president of the United States!" David immediately played him for the fool that he was and calmly (much more so than I would have!) offered to show his ID. Dude said yeah, he wanted to see it cause he didn't believe it.

I have a final in 6 days. Really should be studying. There are people out there who are studying right now.

I wonder if they will get better grades than me. . . nah!!

rain

It is raining here in LA and that means that I can finally wear some of the 13 coats that I own. Eventhough I have been cold for a while, I feel retarded wearing a coat when everyone is waliking around in sweatshirts. Do people here never get cold?

The rain is a nice aural distraction from outlining and studying. I can't believe that I have to soak up so much info in a very serious way in less than 2 weeks. I'm scared, but not scared enough. I am half studying and half putzing about, roasting squash for tomorrow's soup and reading Above the Law and not really worrying about the dearth of law jobs these days.

As we hit the final days of our classes, I am a bit sad because I really like some of my profs and am sad that I will not get to continue to study with them. I think that I will always, always, always remember the three very outsized personalities that have been my intro to the law.

We are having dinner tomorrow with a friend of BitterNY's from something like 1996 when they tended bar together in NYC. Dude has an 8 year old and a vegetarian wife. In honor of them, I am making a vegan version of my stuffing (I reserve the right to pour chicken broth all over it if it sucks) and I vetoed artichokes from the menu -- I ate them as a kid, but you never know. I'm looking forward to the distraction but, most of all, I am looking forward to a few uninterrupted hours of playing civilization after they leave.

wait, there's still class?

So the graded memo is in. I have no idea how I did on it. Not great, I think. I just did not have enough time to spend on it. I worked and worked on my tests and rules, but the analysis did not flow smoothly from there as it had in the past. Half of me is haoping that I was just overthinking things and I'll do just fine. Pretty much everyone gets a B, so I should be in that group. But, I have to be in the top 30% or I lose my scholarship (not that big a deal next year cause it's just basically spending money -- not actually paying for anything). I was hoping to ace this law school thing, but as of now, I am off to a pertty bad start. NOw I will settle for keeping my head above water.

Outlining -- I started it a few weeeks ago. Trouble is, I hardly remember what I have gone over so far, so I have to do it again. The only course I really have a grasp of is property, and I have really let my grip loosten this last half of the semester. There is just so muh damn info in that class!

I've also bee nreally beat lately. I only have energy for sleeping -- i have a good reason and its a long story, but no one that is going to boost my gpa.

well, back to Crim for another 45 minutes of so, and here's to hoping some of it sticks!

memo meetings

I feel like I am a lost little girl all over again. I thought that I knew how to do this. I've written memos before. Like 2 and the first one I had no idea what I was doing but anyway.

So we have been having lots of memo pow wows. Today was a good one. I got to catch the knowledge dripping from the lips of a Very Smart Man. Maybe I sound like him a lot too -- I hope not, gotta work on that. VSM was so arrogant that even though he had good things to say, I wanted to jab him with a pencil! Such is law school.

I often find myself being thankful for the small section that I have. Evidently, lots of other sections are filled with arrogant assholes. Mine is not. We have lots of different view points, but we have never actually had an argument in class (like another section. They argued about how to divide or not divide some explanations of elements in the memo. Why would anyone have a heated argument over that? If people don't agree and you think that you are right -- good for you, you should get an A!)

I also heard that one section has a student that has some sort of physical illness and had to drop out last year. Some in his class felt threatened that he might have an unfair advantage, having gone through this memo thing before. The man has a freaking illness and is obviously not good. Like, almost passes out in classes. What jerks!! Is anyone who has written a memo before a threat? What about people who have worked in law firms? Should we not allow them to come to law school and throw off the curve? GAHHHH!!

There is a sense of entitlement that some people seem to have that is ridiculous. I am not part of the group prone to a sense of entitlement and neither are my, uh, people. I, we, many of us, know that the world is not fair. Some people really are smarter, faster, richer or luckier and if you really want to succeed in life, one must realize this and get over it. And get to work.

Wow -- this memo thing is really a crazy time drain. I am finally sitting down to write it, but this blog was calling me. I've had such an exciting week. I went to panel last night entitled Is Gay Really the New Black? We had had a huge debate raging on the BLSA mail list all day about the title. Personally, I found it mega offensive. To conflate the two movements together trivializes the efforts of those in the Civil Rights Movement. As Dan Savage said (I'll get back to him in a minute) the gay marriage movement is a small c, small r civil rights movement.

Why am I making this distinction? Well slavery, lynching, being 3/4 ths of a person, something like that.

Any how, I have a memo to write. I was very happy to attend a talk in which the objective was to talk about people of color, gay people and gay people of color (who sometimes get lost in the mix/intersection). Lots of good panelists. I took some notes and I will paste them here. It's just a record of some of the issues that were touched on. That's all that Ihave time for.

Oh, and that I hope Prop 8 will be a catalyst for change in the LGBTQ community as well as in communities of color. I think that there are lots of LGBTQ people of color who are still looking for ways to get necessities like food, health care, drug treatment, and shelter -- the same issuse facing many communities of color. I we didn't manage to come together on the marriage issue, too bad, but I see lots of other areas that we can address together for the benefit of us all.

Jennifer Pizer – lambda
Kim Pearson –UCLA
Melissa Murray – UCBerkeley recent cal review article on gay marriage
Cleo Manago
Ryan Dunn- UCLA Outlaw leadership
Javier Angelo
Saul Sarabia and Russell Robinson


What do the exit polls really mean? What is the true percentage of voters who responded to the polls?


What really cost no on 8 the election?
• Other demographic groups – older voters, protestants, catholics

Why do we accept homophobia in other groups but call out Blacks as portraying gays
- 50% white vote is ok as homophobia base line, since blacks were above that they are to blame?
- Must revisit this flawed equation

What does black as the new gay mean for people who are in the intersection of black and gay?
• It assumes that gay does not equal black?



Unconscious racism in gay community -- things like “we let you have a black president”
 Manago – I voted, I don’t remember you letting me have anything
 Black president releasing racist tensions in queer and rest of world

Black people are monolithic

What has actually been done in communities of color?
Was there outreach, was it effective?
• It’s a movement that just happens to have a campaign
• Movement has not been incorporating people of color in main infrastructure
• Exclusion by mostly white leaders
• When latinos have approached LGBT community on issues affecting them (education, immigration) they hear that “It’s not our priority”
• No cross collaboration
• Where is this expectation that blacks and latinos will support gay rights coming from?


Hesitation to use words discrimination and civil rights in beginning of movement
• Didn’t want to offend black people
• Hesitant to use sexual orientation aspect and label it as discrimination when talking about prop 8

LAMBDA legal – campaign steering committee
• Difference b/c trying to reach voters in the middle and not necessarily groups of color
• Can’t change hearts and mind with a 20 second tv spot


Yes on 8 ads
• Fed parental fear that state will impose values on children
• Tapped into thread of anxiety that is seen in family law al the time


Betrayal
• Assumption that there has been solidarity and now there is discord
• Has such solidarity actually existed between black and gay (again erasing black gay people)
• R. Dunn – how is gay identity seen as white?
o Dan Savage --- homophobic blacks bigger problem than racist white gays
o The gay identity is a white identity
o Some of those people are racist
o Is there any surprise the people of color are not behind the movement?

West Hollywood is more white than Beverly hills (86% white, LA county 48% white)

White gay identity – examples
• Circuit parties – influenced queer as folk
• Gay cruises – white white white
• Affluence as gayness – doesn't resonate with lots of black and brown people
• Gay websites – connexion white – tracks most popular profiles white
• HRC – supported al D’amato despite his racist remarks
• Racial preferences on dating websites
• Discrimination in the castro
• Shirley Q Liquor – played by Chuck Nip gay white man – performs in blackface as a woman-- Performing at circuit parties Oh my fucking word
• Dan Savage, which problem is bigger???


Manago –There are blacks who resent racism in gay community and don’t even want to hear from them
 Attempts to compare homophobia with racism from white gay community with no discussion
 Same with gay is the new Black
 Protesting against prop 8 but not protesting against prop white
 Blacks often discouraged from affirming ourselves culturally
 Same gender loving not gay b/c there is racism in that framework and is not just accepting a label
 Critics of gay marriage say it is mimicking the oppressor


Is marriage the last frontier? Maybe for affluent, white gays

Blacks and mormons demonized by marriage
• Mormon polygamists are not the same ones as the ones with the money
• Polygamists no longer recognized as part of the church
• Black history of marriage – used after civil war to discipline and control former slaves
• Has been used to push people in traditional ways of being a family


LGBT community trying to validate family diversity – neither govnt nor majority should tell people how to structure families

Language of marriage connotes respect for family -- sought by those who have been denied respect

Many different groups filing lawsuits against prop 8 – those against sex or race discrimination , religious groups


Language – often white by default
Coalitions are temporary b/c there are parallel universes – one that cares about the issue and that includes racism because of language

Language can cause a lack of solidarity

What about co-opting the Civil Rights movement?
 Campaign discouraged using civil rights movements words
 Samuel L. Jackson ad -- toward end of campaign
 Hard to maintain clear distinction between constitutional principle and social history -- Pizer
 Trouble of boiling down an entire movement to one case, soundbite, people fail to realize the magnitude of social organizing that went into the changes
 Trivializes black history/struggle
 Black Civil Rights movements began in churches!


Why aren’t we upset about the 50% of white people who voted yes?

Is it ok because it is the norm? That’s what we accept

Is the black community more homophobic than other communities?
Few hate crimes against gays by black people, mostly by white people
 Issues in black communities about manhood and masculinity and some of that anxiety looks like homophobia

Racial battle fatigue for gay people of color
Cannot forget that same sex marriage mvt is a white middle class movement
UCLA black student told not longer welcome in west Hollywood

White lesbian – look at how intense racist backlash has been
 white racism has had a devastating impact on it’s passage, leaving LGBT of color to swamped to respond
 What about gender politics of this movement?



Too many assumptions made in this campaign -- Angelo
 heard that Blacks and latinos cannot be moved
 state of Mexico was one of the first in the world to recognize gay marriage
 so why were latinos considered nonmoveable?
 People of color must work on own leadership
 Latinos had to open own east la office to fight 8
 Must find opportunities to merge latino and gay agendas
 Recognition that straight allies must build bridges as well


Sarabia – it’s how we think about every issue
 the same govt that denies a gay marriage license is denying immigrant licenses – build coalitions
 same people who walked out after 187 know how to mobilize are young and can build bridges with

overpowered

I'm officially overwhelmed. I have spent so much time doing lots of nothing and it feels like I've learned nothing. At this point, there are not enough hours in the day for everything.

When am I ever going to get this memo written? Outline the rest of my subjects and learn the material?

I'm just too tired at night, like right now at 9 pm. I think I have screwed this semester up by not putting in enough hours. And now, I'll never be able to make them up.

Officially overwhelmed.

And I had my first put on a suit interview today. Not the best. I haven't done enough community service work for the scholarship, I think. The experience was good -- answering questions, getting dressed up. I'm glad that there wasn't a real job riding on this interview.

Gonna go do nothing now I think. Or I will listen to LEEWS, read for crim and read some E&E.

Profugos

A good friend of mine pointed put to me that I may be too skeptical about the importance of our President-elect. Probably. At the very least, I agree that symbols have meaning and having a Black President is a very big symbol. I was also persuaded by these pictures of the reaction in Harlem.

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/11/05/nyregion/1105-HARLEMREAX_index.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I'm working like a mad dog to go through my contract's notes and try to understand them. I'm not going to have time to make my own outline by scratch -- too much distillation I think. Well, I have 3 (oh my freaking gawd, only 3!!!!!) weeks until finals. I have been a little lax in my preparations, but now I have things under control (I think). I have been sitting here at my desk like a ninja warrior today, getting the work done with a minimum of distractions.

I also lucked out this week. I did a straight C job on the pre memo research. To make things worse, what I turned in was a barely edited draft of my notes -- not at all suitable for someone else's eyes. How did that happen? First, I went to a movie the night before the work was do. Not really a big problem, I had time to get the work done. And I did it. I have 40 minute between my last class and the assignment due time, so I waited till then to edit (well, I forgot that I had left most of it in a really raw form). 14 minutes before the due time, I emailed the paper to myself and rushed downstairs to print it out. I waited the 1.5 minutes for my "Preferences to boot" , changed the heading, and printed and stapled. As I was making my way up the stairs, I looked and say my rough draft with what might as well have been scribbles because they were not complete sentences. Shit!

I ran back down, waited yet again for the preferences boot and had time to fiddle just enough to get a passable draft turned in. It's not graded, but it had to be successfully completed to move on to the next phase of the memo without penalty. Well, looks like my bet paid off -- I did not get penalized! (It was primarily based on the entire class doing a good enough job.)

This is the second time that I have made that bet on this class. I was frank with my Prof. at the meeting for my second ungraded memo. She saw that I just did not put enough time into it. No excuses were made. I hope she doesn't think less of me -- I really dig her and she'll be a goldmine of info (maybe a recommendation too?). I would not be able to get away with this if I did not have an ok understanding of how to do this writing. So, graded memo will be A material. I'm going to start working on it on Wednesday, after I finish transcribing all of my notes.

I wonder when it is due, I forgot.

Recently Diagnosed Illness

I finally got a diagnosis for my disease, the one that was keeping my down this election cycle -- the NO disease. Right after the election was called last night, one channel (CNN, maybe MSNBC) showed an interview with the First Lady - Elect. She was saying that despite the fact Barak was trailing Hillary, black people would wake up and things would turn around for him. The reason they (we) were throwing our support behind Hillary was our suffering from an acute form of the NO disease. Everyone tells us no we can't, even those who love us for fear that we will get/be hurt, Michelle said. I'd say it's a question of fear, but , personally, it was far too passive of a state -- fear is alive. I was resigned to NO. I am still afraid that Obama will not live to be inaugurated (did I jinx him by buying tickets to DC?). I am still afraid that the white people who I saw on YouTube calling Obama a terrorist will decide that they can't take it and start lynching folks again -- well, maybe not quite that, but the everyday indignities that neighbors can heap upon each other can be enough to send one over the edge, too much.

I didn't really think that it would happen. When BitterNY suggested that we go to the inaguration, I realized that I have been numb to this whole experience. It is amazing that a left handed black man will be the 44th president of the United States. But it is sad that it is amazing. And I am dumb to tell anyone how truly sad it makes me. Sad because in 2008 this is what we have. It was only in 1967 that the Supreme Court struck down anti- miscegenation laws. (Thanks Prop 8 for giving us something to fight for cause we were all getting too cuddly and feel good and isn't the world freaking great now that we are all enlightened, have embraced the truth of global warming, support third world micro lending and occasionally recycle.)

So today, maybe I am a little angry. I don't understand why some people were crying today at school. Great, we have a Black President. But here, in my lovely --- bubble, I know that there is a professor who thinks that I do not belong at this school because I am Black. I'm not going to be ready to jump p and down until more Black people than not have a fighting chance. Till 1/ 2 of the prison population is on the way to productive citizenship. Till they stop trying to poison us will high fructose corn syrup. Till they stop brain washing us to consume bling. Till they take away Black history month and breast cancer month. Till we think and talk about the things that matter every day. Till they start an affirmative action program for wealth to right all of the no loan redlining , and drive you off your land history of this great nation. This goes deeper than just having a Black man in the White House. That is a superficial change.

We have just changed the color. And, anyone who has been living the struggle knows, color is only skin deep.

I just don't want to

I'm supposed to be studying. I am not studying. I do not want to be studying.

Now is the time for outlining and intense exam prep. Well, I am a little behind. I take all of my notes by hand, so I am just typing them up and trying to put them into some sort of order. This is good because I have to go back through all of the material and all of the prof's little asides. Now that I have a better idea of what I am supposed to be learning, I can see the holes in my notes. Good thing I have at least 2 supplemental books for each class. When I get lazy, I just read through a new supplement. Kind of passive, but at least I am reinforcing all of the concepts.

I keep saying that this week is the week where I will catch up and the weeks just fly by. Well, I don't want to have a crazy Thanksgiving break, so I will finish my outlining this week. (I wrote it because I hope that will make it come true.)

One thing I do know is that I will be using someone else's outline for my tests. I'll tinker with it, but I just don't think that it is necessary for me to reinvent the wheel. The outline is just a crutch and I need to know the material inside and out. I'm gonna spend that time listening to LEEWS and practicing exams. And maybe playing a little Civilization.

Stupid things people say

I'm writing this post about two people, myself and a classmate. First, I should know better than to post snarky comments on Facebook about classmates when they do not know me well enough to know that I snark with love. So, drunken frat boy, comment was made with the best of intentions. And really, you were doing a funny face in the background of the pic thing that 2nd graders do. You set yourself up for some snark by being a stealth snark yourself. Anyhow, Facebook is not my personal little playground-- everyone plays in that sandbox!

I was heading to class today and stopped in the court yard to read (err, gchat) right before class. As soon as I read 1 page, it was time to go to class. I ended up mentioning that I hadn't read for class and another girl said something like right on because she hadn't read either. Well, she got called on in class. From what I heard come out of her mouth (don't really remember cause I don't really pay attention), it sounded like she did, in fact, do the reading. Maybe not all of it (Prof. aimed his line of questioning at her neighbor when she failed to continue coming up with answers). Why did she tell me she didn't do the reading? Was she laughing at me in her head for not doing it? I certainly was not encouraging anyone to not do their reading (I'm totally against not reading, kinda). Stupid shit like that makes me not trust people.

Perhaps it is my personal problem with suspicion. I haven't seen any daggers come out yet, but we are getting close to finals. In all honesty, I do not think that this person likes me -- we never talk. So when we do talk and she lies to me I just have to think that it was malicious. This is why I do not study with anyone and will talk about stuff until I am blue in the face but generally leave school stuff out of it.

I'm going to put a string around my finger and hopefully I can remember to do a better job of keeping my business to myself. And to not say stupid things. Hopefully.

and the winner is

We had a party at Prof. Property's house last night and I was wondering who was going to get really drunk first (if at all). And the winner was --- Prof. Prop herself. Good times. Hell, if I had to hang out with a bunch of people 1/2 or even 1/3 my age who would be eying me suspiciously and making judgements about my house and every little tile selection (lots of tiles in the house), I'd get a little loose first too. Everyone else was on their best behavior. I had my money on a classmate of ours who is quite the cheap date (she doesn't spend much money on herself) and is prone to getting embarrassingly drunk. (In all honesty, the night I saw her embarrass herself, I had just as much to drink as she had. We are distinguished by the fact that I have been doing this -- public drunkenness-- probably 7 or 8 years longer than she has. I know how to blend in with the vibe of the party and not get out of control unless everyone else is out of control.)

The party was great. BitterNY took the night off to come which was good because I was able to hide behind him as he chatted people up about basketball, motorcycles, boats and wine. We talked to the Prof. about boats and wine. I think that she lives the life we would like to have. Beautiful house, modest enough in size and warm feeling but big enough so that 5 or 6 friends could stay comfortably. We monopolized Mr. & Mrs. Prof for for quite some time talking about boats and wine. BitterNY really wants a boat. Hope we don't have to wait till we are their age to get one.

I've got tot put a plug in here for my class of truly diverse and interesting people. I haven't really talked to everyone, but I'm working on getting to know more of them.

Oh yeah, I brought a bottle of wine. She had no idea that it was mine and Mr. Prof brought her over a taste and she made the most horrible face and said, "Yuck! I don't think I'd like that." Wow, I was bummed. Hurt. Especially since the whole point of bringing the bottle was to score points. I want to be her research assistant (if she even needs one, but I have a plan for that too). So I was trying to do a little nonchalant sucking up. But really, if someone invites you over to their house for dinner, one should at least bring a bottle of wine. Maybe it would have hurt less if my budget weren't so tight, but I doubt it. I tend to take things personally and be overly sensitive.

Well, I've wasted a good 23 minutes of library time. No one else is up here on the 4th floor because its 9:23 in the morning. Good thing I wasn't drinking last night -- I could never have gotten up at the crack of dawn to write this post.

cold. hot. cold. hot.

I'm blogging from the library. Usually iy is freezing in here. Right now, even my ears are hot. I am having a dangerous week of I-don't-wanna!. I can't really fight the urge to sleep. And when I finally closed my eyes at 9:50 PM last night, I commenced a night of left-right-left tossing and turning. Didn't get up early to do my reading as planned. Things are a bit wack with me to say the least.

This week has also been the week of amazing speakers (and great free lunches). I have been to 2 ACS presentations and I am now excited about public interest lawyersing. Or, at least what would be my brand of public interest lawyering since I am going to the biggest and baddest firm that I can find. (Antonia Hernandez was talking yesterday about the need for PI minded people in big firms to help guide and foster their pro bono efforts.) Monday was a panel of lawyers working in city government all over California. They had different paths to their jobs and one even started at a big firm (the myth is that you can't get a public interest job if you go to a firm because that demonstrates that you are not comitted). They all spoke of the progerssive possibilities in governemnt doing thigs that sound pretty basic -- like getting the government to enforce its own laws (like preventing credit card companies from taking advantage of the citizens of a praticular locality, election adn voting issues, and environmental issues where action might mean suing the Fed or the EPA).

What I came away with is that a progressive agenda does not have to look freakishly liberal. There are lots of smaller battles to be won in the war. I also came away with excitement and a warm heart. There was so much positive energy and (dare I say it) love in the rooms for both days of presentation. Here were people who loved their jobs. They were fighting the good fight and had time to spend with their families. They also were part of a larger community of people (like-minded or not) working for the greater good. So maybe there is something to this lawyering thing. Looks like there are so many more options than I have ever imagined. I will keep going to these lectures to hear about the paths taken by those before me (who maybe can now help me get a job!).

10,000 things

I am in the library taking a break before I dive back into the memo. Ah sweet little memo. I know it is easy. There is a formula. I know how to do it. But why is it so hard? Maybe because I am over thinking it. Under thinking it? Maybe because I hate following rules? Dunno. Not gonna dwell on it, it will only get me down.

This week is shaping up to be a big one. Because I have taken so much time to do nothing this past week, I have a whole lot of outlining and practice testing to do next week. (Ans this evening if I can finish outlining the first few topics in contracts).

I went to an event yesterday and experienced my first bit of school classism. I volunteered at an event with a classmate and there were other students there from another law school (4th tier to our 1st tier). I am a generally friendly person. I often feel awkward in social settings so I go out of my way to be friendly and engaging when I meet a new person. Last night I had to execute the kill em with kindness strategy. This one guy (a 2L much much younger than I) just would not play nice. He even made a few digs at the school related to how coddled we are (sorry if my school does not have a policy of not asking back a certain perscentage of the 1L class). We did talk about how this disproportionately affects black students. It seemed to me that his point was that he had to work harder for what he got (which was into a not so good school) and that someone is gonna hold the hand of all the black kids at my school so we don't have to worry about being kicked out or that our friends will be. WTF?

Even I am aware that Southwestern if a difficult school because of the curve. People must know that before they go, right? I was totally put off by his demeanor. I intorduced him to another woman working with us who, up until then, he was not paying attention to (he was way too good to talk to any of us, really, but I don't give up). He perked up and was all about her once I told him she worked in the music business, the field he aspires to enter. After being a stiff prick, he had the audacity to ask for her business card. She said she didn't have any. I find that hard to believe as we were all there hoping to make some contcts. I'm ashamed to say that that made me feel a little happy.

Just a little.

So that's it for now. I'm going to do some more research on the possibility of transferring schools next year (only if I do very very well b/c I am trying to get into one of the top 3 schools that waitlisted me). I've read that it can be difficult to get on to law review and make meaningful connections with teachers as a transfer student. If I do well enough to transfer, I'm sure that I'd want to be on law review, so that might be a deal breaker. I'm getting way ahead of myself here -- I need to finish my memo and study.

Lack of Sleep

Wow, long time since I last blogged. Probably cause there is so much for me to do these days. I've been going to class, studying, seeing lunch time speakers, socializing and occasionally sleeping. I'm beat. Now I know what everyone meant when they said law school is hard. Yeah, there's a ton of info to digest, but mostly, for me, it is the constant pressure of always having something to do. Always.

I took a practice midterm in Property last week. I am dying to get it back. Property is by far my most faveorite course. The Prof wrote our book and she is just a really good, straight forward (read no Socratic) prof. We do lots of discussion of authority cited and historical precedent for the rules. I love that shit. So yeah, mid term. Took me so long to get my notes together into something that resembles and outline. I have no idea how people do outlines over Thanksgiving break. I do not think that is enough time. I also type really slow and have nothing typed out.

I am having a lot of success with the library. It's gotten to the point where I just cannot work at home. I am supposed to be reading materials for my memo and I just ended up futsing aroung on facebook and checking (and re-checking) my email. Now that I have another email, there's so many more distractions to be had.

Earlier in the semester, I was having a problem with a gunner. I like her but she was constatnly talking over my faveorite prof. She seems to have mellowed out. I think that she is young and used to being the smartest person in the room (with her pedigree, I don't blame her). I found out today that she made a pretty cute gaffe at a social function the other day. Seems that she did not realise that a classmate is a lesbian and when she say her holding hands with her girlfriend, she skipped up and said she wanted to hold hands with -------- too. Now I really feel bad for her. But, I said a bunch of really stupid shit a lot of times when I was younger. While it has not made me any wiser, I am more prone to keeping my mouth shut for a few extra seconds.

wow, almost bed time. I was too tired to do my reading for class today, so I am getting up really really early to get it done.

the teaches of peaches

So law school. yeah. So far so good. I have no life, I see no one who is not in law school unless forced to. And I think I have a lot of new friends. There is something about this forced closeness that is actually really working out. All ofthe older students ask me how things are going, how am I doing. It's starting to drive me crazy because honestly, I am starting to crack a bit. I think that they ask because they are so glad that they are no longer in this position. They have made it to the other side.

This week it was the urge to cry while visiting a prof for office hours. Why? I have no idea, we were talking about property but I just wanted my momma.

I have more black friends than I have ever had in my life and this is a new and positive twist.

Say some wedding photos on my cousin's facebook. I look absolutely horrible. I look better from far away so you can just see my curves in my dress. My hair was awful and I look like I am always pooping -- not smiling. SHIT. And since it was all my family at the wedding, I went around socializing w/o BitterNY and therefore we are in NONE ofthe candid shots together. There are tons of pics with him and all out frineds and where am I? Probably trying to get the caterers to buy more wine cause we ran out.

that makes me really really sad. The whole night was like a blur. Iremember the dance and the cake cutting but I was too excited to eat and that's it. It seems like 80% of my night was dealing with the damn wine. That's the one really big down side to doing everything yourself and having no money to back it up (and thereby having to do it all yourself . . .)

So law school. I think that I will be better at it in a few weeks when I have spent more time sleeping. Took this week off of work because Iknew Iwould be too tired if I didn't (and now I have no money, i hate that). Well, I was mega tired without work anyway.

At least I got elected 1L rep for BLSA. People like me, they really really like me.

of weddings and friends

I always wondered why people writing blawgs never seemed to be in class. Why they were always watching tv or something. I get it. You just cannot stop life to go to law school. I flew to the Bay and back today to go to a wedding. A friend from high school and her partner, geting it legal before the right is gone. I spent more time traveling than I did at the wedding. But it was great fun. Lots of kids -- babies and teenagers. They are both high schol teachers and the party was at the school where they met. I say some friends from high school that I haven't seen in a while. It's amazing to me how no one ages. One of my friends gets more beautiful each year -- truly like a swan.

But that means the here is another day where I have not devoted enought hours to studying. I could read now, but how much would I retain? I took Monday off from work so I will make up the hours then. Can't believe I am rolling into week 8 far behind from where I wanted to be. NOt a single outline to speak of. SHIT.

This is why I came to law school

Last night I had a hiuge debate party. I squeezed 18 people into my little livingroom around my huge tv. We watched the debate and ate a spaghetti dinner (fed everyone for $7!) A friend brought a friend who had been working in DC. She was sitting next to another woman who had just worked in DC. I made everyone d a little intro and turns out that the women had talked many times on the phone while working at 2 agencies in DC. How small is the world.

Today instead of outlining (I know that it has to be done, but I just neer have any time to do it!) I went and worked the prisoner reentry clinic. We basically help people get their felonies lowered to misdemeanors and have them expunged from their records. We do it for free, paralegal services charge $500 - $1000. I was working with a guy who wanted to get a government job (????Why?) and needed to have his record cleaned up. I was really happy to be able to help him, but the wife beating conviceitons were so not cool. But it was a long time ago and who am I to judge. I've done a lot of shit myself (no record!).

One supervising attorney was amazing I am going to look her up. She had all the right answers. She was asking my participant (not client, I'm not a lawyer) how he got such a cute girlfriend. When he said he's a good man and tries to treat her right, the lawyer was right back (swet as can be ) with a your have to treat her right. She was asking everyone their birthdays and telling them their signs and playing with the kids and really just an awesome human being. Turned out that she got a masters in film at my law school before going to law school. Didn't really get a chance to talk ot her but I am going to look her up.

I think half the battle today was talking to people. Honestly, I had no idea where to start. I followed my partenr's lead. She's someone I really like. And really respect. So she was showing me the ropes and I think I can handle it on my own next time. But as far as how to phrase the whole exchange -- I had no idea where to start. There is a ton of paperwork and we have to talk about all sorts of things and I usually have lots to say. But I'm getting used to this whole being shy thing. I am coming to terms with the face that I just don't have as much (energy, desire, fearlessness) gumption to talk to people.

Not gonna do the 4 hours of studying that I thought I would tonight. That means I only have sunday to do 2 days worth of reading as well as the rest of my property outline. Shit. where does the time go? fuck it. i'm gonna go watch a movie. i've been dying to see the other boelyn girl cause i love scarjo. Bitterny won't watch it with me so I'm gonna do it now.

Sunday Afternoon

I have done everything wrong this week. Everything. I forgot to go to a class (didn't check my schedule for the time and then showed up at the time I thought the class should be). I have not studied at all (though I have managed to do all of my readings). I have not worked on any of the long term things like outlining which I know I should be doing right now. I forgot my memo comments at school in my gym bag, so I wasted 2 hours taking the bus to school and back to pick up the notes. I got really drunk last night (I need to learn to eat before I drink -- this never used to be a problem, I just don;t have as much time to eat these days). I was a drunken asshole also. I should have gone home after dinner, but I didn't and I was in a bar with a scowl on my face just being a hater. I picked a victim and let her have it just cause. I was such an ass!!!!

On the bright side, I have not been studying because I have been very social. I baked a cake for one friend, decorateda shirt for another and hosted some ladies for the debate and made them dinner too.

I'm not gonna get upset or freak out. I am just glad that I am flying back from the wedding Saturday on Saturday. I can't afford to waste any more time. I should be editing my memo not writing this blog.

the great depression

I can track my packrat nature to the Great Depression. My grandmother lived through it. She was also, later, a working single mother to two young girls in the early 50's. She was poor enough that my mother and aunt lived with a foster family for a year or so after my grandparents divorced. She, much later, died having enough wealth enough to put me into college and help my cousins buy their first home. She would never throw things away. She was always hoarding canned food. Always. So does my mom. I'm not so big on the canned foods, but I can't throw anything away for fear that I wil need it.

And now as I accumulate loans and pay hundreds of dollars per month in interest, and look out to an ever worsening economy, with bleaker job prospects for myself and my husband, I begin understand my grandmother a bit better. Realtive to what she lived through, I am spoiled spoiled spoiled. Grandma would always tell me how hard times were when she was younger, that I should learn to make preserves to save the good parts of wormy apples and how lucky I was to have all sorts of food to eat. I never imagined not having enough, nor could I understand as a 6 or 7 year old what a difficult time my mom was actually having making ends meet.

The picture is coming into focus gradually . . .

This was from last week

I'm having one ofthose nights where I just really want to zone out, but I cannot. My iPod is on song shuffle and it is taking me smoothly through Michael Penn, Gustavo Cerati, Natalie Merchant, NIN, Nirvana, Lil Wayne and then on to Simon & Garfunkel. It's been a really nice ride. I am in a mellow mood, trying to get all me reading done and the Pod has given me great mellow tunes. Even a mellow Stones track. No need to jump up and turn down the volume. And my Property reading is pretty interesting. Who is this Judge Kosinski? Pretty interesting dude. I remember reading a letter purported to be from him on http://underneaththeirrobes.blogs.com/ graciouusly acepting the nomination for sexiest judge. Hilarious. His opinions are a good read too.

So not quite done with my memo. Uh scratch that -- not even started. Talked ot a classmate and, god bless her soul, she went to the Prof and got some of it straightened out for us. NO answers, but we were pretty much barking up the wrong tree. Back to the drawing board. And the Pod is still giving me love (actually just soda stereo "ella uso mi cabeza como un revolver").
If it keeps this up, I will keep studying just ot hear what comes on next. It's the little things that get me through.


OH WAIT! I totally have to say something about our Student Bar elections.
(Pear Jam ballad to Journey ballad -- the pod keeps giving)

What I learned in Law School

1. I look a whole lot younger than I am, and I act that way too.
2. If you want to do your business at school, use the 3rd floor library bathrooms.
3. I have absolutely no concept of time except that I am running out of it.
4. I hate feet and people who take off their flip flops and put their dirty feet on an ottoman inches from me and my stuff
5. Eat too much, drink too much and don't exercise and the pounds really accumulate (I'm too old for all those calories)
6. Free food is easy to find but not really worth it (see above)
7. Watch what you say and how you approach people because you never know who they are or who they will be (this is a general life rule I should have gotten by now)
8. TV is overrated, except for cable series
9. Nancy Botwin is most likely a criminally negligent mother
10. People on the bus are rude, especially other law students (my neighbors) who NEVER say excuse me while pushing past you in a crowded bus
    

link lovin

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/16E.Noakes.html


http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-barstudy8-2008sep08,0,1316504.story

Letter to a New Lawyer

Dear Lag Liv,

Hi. I'm ----, a shinyhappy 1L at ----.

I've been wanting to write to you for some time now and since I am currently not studying, here goes. I've been reading your blog since I started getting acceptance letters and was trying to figure out what I was really getting myself into. I've read the whole thing, and wanted to thank you for your candor and insights into marriage, law and motherhood. Hopefully my husband and I will welcome our first child some time next year and I will be the one to go to school/work and he will be the house parent. I, like yourself, love challenging and rewarding work and will be a studying/working mom and wouldn't have it any other way. But, I'm also scared- afraid that I will miss my child and have some major regrets.

So thanks for articulating your fears and your personal debates. I really can't tell you how much your blog has done for my courage. It's easier for me to push my doubts aside when I see that you (and a New Duck and Magic Cookie, et aliae) have done what I will do -- balance law school, baby, good job and a happy marriage. It seems that you've achieved this through hard work, rigorous self reflection and an exploration of doubts and fears rather than by breezing through on the blithe ignorance implicit in the "I can have it all" 'feminist'(whatever that is) motto.

Thanks for being honest, emotional and a Democrat (very important for moms issues I think) and sharing it on your blog.

I (maybe mistakenly) turned down a very generous scholarship to UT in favor of ---- (I'm a Cali girl by birth), but am very seriously considering settling in Austin after school since my aunt, uncle and sister-in-law will all be there. I'd appreciate any advice on which corporate law firms you found were family friendly down there.

You can find my ramblings here http://lalawlion.blogspot.com/ .

All the best to you, JP and Landon,

Caviar Kisses and Champagne Dreams

I'm enjoying a glass of bubbly left over from the wedding. I got 2 cases of the stuff thinking that everyone would drink that (and the mini smartwaters cause it was supposed to be hot). NOT. A case of white and a case of red both gone in an hour or so. I understand, the sauvignon blanc was one of the best I have ever had -- not too grassy or too grapefruity, just crisp citrus goodness. Thanks to Meryll and J & V wines in Napa for helping me pick my wines out.

So I finally feel like I am comefortably back in the saddle after the wedding shenanagins. All caught up on reading and tomorrow I should be all good with note typing and I finally got all the bills paid (totally at the last minute cause who knew my ccard company works on central time which I learned cause I got locked out of the website for forgetting my password).

I'm really enjoying this whole law school experience. The material is great and I have just read 2 opinions that down right are hilarious. Property seems to be my strong point but I don't think I can take any of the credit -- I have a great teacher. She very well might be a political conservative, who can tell. I noticed one of her notes (she wrote our book) about how one property law in practice favors the wealthy white collar worker over the menial, female worker (in who gets to keep stuff you find while on the job). I talked with her in her office the other day about to Native Ameriacn property cases and she was very open to talking about political biases in cases and then I just laid it out. My stuff -- black white race relations, my own struggles and even told her the long story of my film, making it, 9/11, going broke and sticking my head in the sand for 6 years (more like in a bottle). Well, I think she likes me! I like her too and really appreciate how she treats us in class.

Today I went to another prof's office hours. He is a total spazz and his class is fun, but I didn't think I'd vibe with him. Who am I kidding I like everyone (unles I HATE them). He also seems much smaller in his office (he's pretty short). So I've pretty much gotten to know all of my profs a little bit. I am also trying really hard to get to know my fellow students and a little bit about them. I should pretty much know everyone at the end of the 3 years (getting to KNOW 300+ people is not an easy task). They are all so interesting. Yeah for ----- picking a really interesting and truly diverse (religious, economic, sexual, racial, left and right handed, gender, vegan and meatatarian, political, even down to the introverted and extroverted) group of people. My life is definately better and will improve for having known these people.

I really want to write up a summary of the David Freeman's climate/energy lunch talk from a week or so ago. When I have a better handle on my notes (i.e. typing up the useful stuff from my handwritten ones) I will post my notes from his insightful and pithy talk.

Oh, and I really want to go back to New York. I need my subway!!! BitterNY wants a car and he wants a mini cooper. I'd do electric, but he won't have that. I'm trying to be sympathetic to his guyness, but I really want to be a responsible consumer and that means not having an oil guzzling car.

Life cannot subsist in society but by reciprocal concessions.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) British author.

If you are not very clever, you should be conciliatory.

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British politician and author.

A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit.

George Herbert (1593-1632) British poet.

Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Bierce, Ambrose
1842-1914 American Author Editor Journalist The Devil's Dictionary

All government, indeed every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue, and every prudent act, is founded on compromise and barter.

Edmund Burke (1729-1797) British political writer.

the other Boelyn girl

Or how we cannot decide on a movie.

I was in the library for 7 hours today and did not even get close to finishing what needed to be done. I don't plan on spending that much time in the library every Sunday, but I am catching up from the wedding shenenagins. I have just given into the fact that I have to do every little bit of reading for Property. My prof wrote the book. She asks in class about all of the authority cited in the opinion. There's no just getting the story of the case and glossing over the details.

So I took copious notes for tomorrow and downloaded 150 extra pages of reading to flesh out some of the topics. All of it is interesting so I don't feel like any of this is pointless.

Actually, I finally feel like I am learning enough that I can ask questions. This week is a whole new story.

My study partner and I have an ambitious schedule for Crim so that we can take practice exams asap. I don't want to let him down. I have no idea how we got to be study partners. He's a quiet small Jewish guy and I'm, well, me. Very different. But, we both were attracted to some scent of smarts and cunning waftinf off of the other. I certainly had many other people I already knew to choose from. He may have know others too. We will see how it goes. All we talk about is school and I don't know him at all. And I like it that way.

the aftermath

got married. kinda read ahead. kinda didn't. want to spend time with my husband but too much to do. finding old friends on facebook from film school and wondering what the hell i am doing here. in. law. school. must finish property reading and start on all the study ahead for the test things. but wasn't transformers a great movie and who's hotter megan fox or shia labeouf? shia cause she is shagging b.a.g.

no time for presidential shenanigans.

will post my report from an amazing lunchtime talk about energy. must make effort and put foot where mouth is -- my gas pedal has to be electric. good luck convincing hubby.

need to remember to write about how my family is offensive and how i offended my new inlaws at the wedding. but it was the best wedding ever and i've been to tons. congrats me for a job well done.

also congrats to my fellow classmate who retook the lsats in june and got a 173 and scored a spot at ----. who the f--- knew u could do that. takes balls. i would never have had the balls. she has cojones grandes and i salute her.

i'd also like to give props to my fellow class mates who have been so nice. i like law school cause there are so few people who suck. everyone is so accomplished and interesting -- loving every awkward minute. im evenlosing my punctuation now. hope to recver by the weekend

wedding

the wedding is today. i am so exhaused and hung over but i couldn't sleep. this is our final wedding thing and so far everything has been great. our moms had dinner last night and the girls and the guys all did their own things. i think i'm gonna go find a salon and get my hair blownout.
nothing much to report. i have to finish the favors and the tables and chairs need to be put up. there's no way i am working on my property assignment! it will have t wait for the car ride home.

I really want to come kick it with you. You'll be my American Boy

Law school is a definite new beginning for me. I've had many of the same friends for the last 10 years, but most have not lived in my immediate vicinity (except Meera -- she never left me and now I have left her). There are people in my life that I can talk to and say anything. almost, even, the things that I am afraid to say to myself. I find that noting my short comings is easier when I am sharing them with someone who has known me since I thought Woody Allen was irrelevant. The older I get, the more I realize that this whole game is dependent upon these permanent people.

There is a definite minimum number of people whom I need in my life to keep being me as I know me. Every 4 or 5 years, that number increases by one.

I feel like I get to start all over and do the whole college thing again -- meeting people, forming alliances, really getting to know them (in time) and being the best me that I can be.

Really its all about the opportunity to be the best me. I have no one to answer to but me. No deadlines other than the impartial ones imposed by school. I have no boss, no one breathing down my neck, trying to caress it or telling me how to improve it. But me.
And the chorus of friends. We don't let each other get away with anything cause we know better.

And these are the people in my neighborhood. These are the people I love. I feel old when I think about the people I love. Not a small list. Took time to cultivate.

Think it's the wedding talking. I'm sappy as all hell. Can't help it. Big stuff. Big shit. You try getting married and maintaining your normal NYC scowl.

BARAK!!!!

one down

So far so good. One week down and I haven't felt like its been all that difficult. Went to the first bar review for about 20 minutes because I waited 45 minutes for the bus to get there. I'm getting names down pretty well, but there are still a few people I've been seeing since April that I should know by now. I'm thinking of getting a name patch for my backpack.

The wedding is really putting me behind for this week. I have to do all my reading for this week tonight because I have class all day then I am working then I have class Tuesday day, then spa treatments (I'm getting married so I'm indulging) and then more class wed, a whole bunch of club meetings and then I have to fill the little favor jars of spiced rum. EEEkkk!!!

And of course I have a guest here from New York so we went out last night and got wasted and then ended up at Norms. Our server was a very slight and soft spoken brown boy/man. He was very androgynous with chin length wavy black hair and referred to himself as the Mother Theresa of Norms. I was drunk but I know he said that. I know it! I was with some New Yorkers, so we ordered disco fries, even though they weren't on the menu (if you haven't had disco fries, you are being deprived of a basic right granted by the Court of Public Intoxication).

And then BitterNY invited yet another person to the wedding. I'm not sure where everyone is going to sit. CRAP! But this is an old friend of his who I really liked. We talked and it was before I got drunk, so it was all good.

As I get to know some of my class mates better, I am just impressed with all that they have done and will do. I was really hoping to find a film project to work on -- produce, direct or edit -- and I was thinking of getting hoked up with some of the grad film students, but I think I can probably get it together with law students. So many actors! The more I talk to people, the more talent I will hear about. Can't wait to put it all together!!

There's no place like home

So the first two days of orientation are under our belts. I've tried to meet as many people as possible and there are a ton of interesting stories to be heard.

I should be doing my reading, but there isn 't very much and I am still a buzz from the adrenaline necessary to get me out of bed today and keep me from falling asleep.

I did not have to spend as much on books as I thought I would. That is great because everything is going on credit cards until my aid comes through. I will incur all sorts of fees tomorrow for late payments, but since it is really the law school paying themselves, I'll be damned if they are going to charge me any late fees. I've been in the aid office so many times that even though I smile, they must be tired of seeing me and having to explain their archaic accounting methods to me. There is a separate office that is actually responsible for giving me the money and I have had to initiate dialogue between the two to try and get my money awarded under the correct code so that it can be delivered to my account. And even though the law financial aid office can see the true tally, the info being sent to me offically from the school is wrong. But somtimes the law finaid office is wrong so I have to keep going there and going through every detail, every item added or subtracted to make sure that I am getting what I was promised and not borrowing 13,000 extra dollars (as I was last Thursday).

I have never encountered so much paperwork and most of it is electronic. I have 2 logins and I cannot keep all the urls straight or remeber all of the passwords. If I ever lose my computer, it will be worse than losing my wallet.

We have had a few seminars on prepping for class and the personalities are beginning to show. There are 2 people who raised their hands quite a lot. One used a ton of jargon in a way that is like using a baseball bat in the outfield -- right game and technically right use (hitting the ball), just at the wrong time. The other guy has a slow and meandering way of talking that at first lead me to believe it would be best to ignore his comments. WRONG. He's way out in left field, but making the play. I never would have taken the matters in the direction he did. I think they call this a unique perspective. I'm hoping we have classes together so I can hear more of his thoughts and hopefully break out of my own comfortable ways of thinking.

I wonder if I am going to like all this learning as much as I think I will right now at this very moment. It wasn't until the end of college that I found my niche and started taking classes that I enjoyed and in which I really learned something. I don't remember a bunch of facts and dates, but the classes changed the way I saw myself, my history and introduced me to scholarship to which I could relate and that I respected. Is it a coincidence that my Profs were black and that I was learning about black American literature, music and history? Nope.

But, I don't want to be ghettoized either. Minority issues, literature or culture is minority because we have smaller numbers, not necessarily smaller influence. We, in the USA, share much of the same historical and cultural antecedents and all of us in each category are who we are because of those of all races who have gone before and influenced us. We do not live in a fucking vacuum (or why is February "Black History Month" instead of American history month?) There would be no Rolling Stones without R&B and the Blues. I am black, but my mom and family and husband are white. So as I look toward my future as a lawyer, artist and perhaps academic professor, I am looking for ways to navigate, reevaluate and re contextualize all this compartmentalization. And I have a lot of fodder for thought already as the self segregation has begun in force at the law school.

In the Beginning

In the beginning, I thought I'd be more ready than I am now. Went to a BLSA mixer. Very laid back -- sandwiches and chairs in circles to facilitate conversation. I talked with 2 2Ls about the summer jobs that they just wrapped up. I don't know what I want to do career wise, but next summer, I want to work for the public defender's office. It sounds like there is so much to actually do and learn and these people really do need help (albeit for problems many have caused for themselves.) I can feel the adrenaline already. The only problem is that I might like it too much. I was raised Catholic and am always just a little bit afraid that I will get a calling to say work in the PD's office for many years, earning no money and growing a f.u.p.a. I need to have a good paying job so that I can get my family out of debt.

So office not organised, books not bought, house a mess and laundry needs to get done. Who was I kidding thinking I'd have all my perfectly polished ducks in a row. It's just not me.

Profs were intersting today at the luncheon, but I'm already feeling ghettoized. All profs of color -- do none of the white faculty want to interact with us? And a hand out for black students with a section titled "Where to get your hair did". WTF?? I'm sorry, I speak proper English. The colloquialisms do not make me feel at home. They make me feel like this is a fucking joke. I'm in law school. Law school.

Didn't like one of the profs at all. Was so arrogant and pompus while trying to be humble. Couldn't listen to the feigned forgetfulness or the incomplete yet self agrandizing thoughts. I have no poker face -- hope no one was looking at me.

My face is a wasteland of white heads, can't sleep for shit. STRESS and I haven't really done anything.

I learned somewhere the supposed historical meaning of "Peace be with you" that one says in mass -- freedom from anxiety.

Stuck with me all these years. I need that now.

it's everywhere

I've been reading the blogs and seems like the anxiety and excitement is all around for the new school year. I just got back from a trip up to the Bay to finalize some wedding details. Then I bought a new very heavy printer and lugged it home. I'm tired, worn out and my neck is killing me.

So I'm reading blogs and watching MTV. My mind is on shutdown.

I should be organizing my office (no more controlled chaos, hurricane Leona in full force). But I'm watching a horrible music video that reminds my of my young-hot-thing party days in New York. Ahh, to be 22.

Read a blog entry--- can't write. Busy watching Diddy act a fool.

First school function on Saturday. Will post.

OOHHH -- Santogold . . .

just had to post

We just beat the trash talking French. Amen!!!!!

And I just had to post this very interesting story. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Bon Appetit

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I give up I'm an adult now

Just taking a few minutes on this Sunday afternoon to reflect. I just had a birthday. This Wednesday, I will meet with 2 friends from high school, one older one younger, though neither by much. I graduated from high school eleven years ago. Until I graduated, it felt like it would go on forever. But that was a good thing, I was having the time of my life. I had a great time in class (fighting the MAN, aka my teachers especially my English teacher, whom I pissed off so much she handed me a paper back on which she had simply scribbled the word NO. WTF?). A great time in cross- country and track, drama too. Saw amazing and beautiful parts of Cali. And I met some of the most amazing people in the world and we are still friends!

I am one of the world's most messy people. Not dirty, but messy. Back then, I was out of control. I have a hard time throwing things away. (Thank god for recycling, it makes me feel like I am not throwing things away but giving them a new life somewhere and therefore it is easier to let them go.) In and out of college, I refused to clean my room, do the dishes (ate out) or my laundry (NYC pickup services).

Well, the biggest difference now is just that I act like an adult. I don't look much different. I have mostly the same friends. I still listen to REM, PJ HArvey, Blur, the Pixies and really great 80's electro pop. I still love to cook, but now I clean as I go (result of living with a chef). I have done the dishes almost every day since I moved here (I didn't say that I've been an adult for a long time) and my office has small pockes of controlled chaos. Also, I now watch sports by myself (I couldn't be married to BitterNY without becoming a sports fan). I stopped myself from browsing the J Crew final sale earlier today because I just can't (even though technically I could) put anyhting else on my credit card with our wedding 20 days away. Oh, and I'm going to law school so that I can have a career and financial stability for my family instead of being one of the millions of table waiting wannabe artists (not that there's anything wrong with that).

So I guess I could replace acting like an adult with taking responsibility for my actions and getting my shit together. If I stayed in New York, I could have continued my extended adolescense, especially because I still look like I just got out of college.

But, I'd like to be a mom(feels really strange to write that!!) That's why I came to this law school rather than one of the 2 others who offered my a full ride. I passed on full tuition and fees with a living stipend at a school ranked exactly the same as the one I chose. (I may regret this, but it's too damn late now.) My family lives in this state and my best friend just had her first little one 20 miles from here. When I visited in the spring, I met other student moms and even a professor who said "Have your kids in law school." The BLSA members swore that they would bring me notes for any class I missed and would be there with advice and a list of recommended babysitters. It will be much easier for my mom to take the hour long flight down here to help.

So here I am and here we (me n' BNY) are. The stakes are higher than they used to be. Summers are shorter but I can sit on my couch all day every day playing Civilization if I want to. Debt is a real presence in my daily life but with bigger risks come bigger rewards (I hope!). I am better at cleaning up after myself. I've lost any angst and anxiety I used to have about growing up and being someone, now enjoying each day as I live it and reveling in the journey.


P.S. thanks to all those MILPS who have blogged through school and given me hope that I can succeed as a wife, law student and mother. You gals rock!

GRACELAND!!!!!!

COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO UPLOAD THESE PICS BEFORE. HERE ARE SOME OF GRACELAND. IT'S GOT NOTHING ON HEMINGWAY'S HOUSE IN KEY WEST. I'M DYING TO GO BACK THERE, BUT I'M HAPPY WE STOPPED IN GRACELAND CAUSE WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN?
TOP IS A ROOM COVERED IN CRAZY FABRIC. THEN HIS TV ROOM BAR, US WAITING TO GO IN, TV ROOM AND THE FAMED JUNGLE ROOM.

Un Misil en mi Placard

Finally got most of my class schedule today. I am relieved to finally have it and start fleshing out this monster I will be wrestling. It doesn't look that difficult. It looks like I will have lots of time for school and work and goofing off (which I do a lot). I feel like I'm going crazy. Estoy esperando por todo-- school, the wedding, my student loans. All the blogs I've read of moms in law school have given me tons of confidence. I am not scared, but I think that I should be. What I cannot take any longer is the waiting.

I thought that I'd get a spot in a program that my school gives the week before actual school starts for students who are new to the area or have been out of school for a long time. I graduated with a BFA (not exactly academic!) 7 years ago and I'm new to L.A. but I didn't get a spot in the program. Most of the people I met earlier this year are in the program. They texted me a collective hello. I'm totally bumming. It's that I can't stand to be left out -- I could really care less about the program. I've done so much research and reading so far, I'm sure I will get through just fine. But still, a little cloud of doubt lingers. . .

I'm considering backing cupcakes because BitteNY was craving them a while ago and I' d like to eat some yummy frosting. Other than that I will gorge myself on Civilization and Soda Stereo (Latin Rock band from Argentina who sound so freaking 80's I feel like I'm in a John Hughes movie) and cyberstalk my profs, now that I know who they are. One of them is Argentinain. I wonder if he likes Soda Stereo too.

This semester is looking pretty good already. Just let me at it!